Hoot presents the Top 10 Worst Car Insurance ClaimsHoot Top 10's takes on the source of all the best online car insurance gags - the car insurance claim form. We ask: "What are the top 10 ways not to get your claim accepted?" Failing to qualify for compensation is easy - but with this run-down we'll show you how to fail in style. There are literally hundreds of dud claims to choose from, so we'll pick out the ten most popular themes and illustrate each with a few choice examples.
Remember: all of the following were taken from actual claim forms submitted to various online car insurance companies by members of the public. And none of the claimants got any money.
10. Animals
If the accident involved one of our friends from the animal kingdom, it's always worth stressing that the beast acted of its own sinister accord rather than because you provoked it. If you're stuck for a reason why, try casting aspersions on the animal's intelligence.
"Willful damage was done to the upholstery by rats."
"A bull was standing near-by and a fly must have tickled him because he gored my car."
"A cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted."
9. The good husband
The good husband fills out a claim form for injuries to his darling wife. Too bad none of the compassion obvious in his actions comes through in his prose.
"A truck backed through my windshield and into my wife's face."
"I ran into the shop window and sustained injuries to my wife."
8. Inanimate objects
In the event of a collision with an inert object, like a lamppost or bollard, choose your words carefully so as to make it clear which of you was at fault.
"I collided with a stationary tramcar coming in the other direction."
"The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end."
"A lamp-post bumped into my car, damaging it in two places."
7. Hit and runs
When frail or weak-minded pedestrians stray into the road, the right thing to do is run them down. The driver is simply aiding the process of natural selection.
"The pedestrian had no idea in which direction to run, so I ran over him."
"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."
"I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault and had been knocked over before."
6. Women
Sea captains believe that having a woman aboard ship guarantees disaster, and despite 'indisputable evidence to the contrary', any intelligent man knows the same goes for British roads. If your accident featured a woman, detailed explanation is largely unnecessary - your compensation money is 'in the bag'.
"She suddenly saw me, lost her head and we collided."
"I heard a horn blow and was violently struck in the back - a lady was evidently trying to pass me."
"Three women were talking to each other, and when one stepped back and one stepped forward I had to have an accident."
5. Pedestrians
Many pedestrians are killed each year trying to bring down a car, often causing considerable stress to the driver. When claiming for compensation following a scrap with someone on foot, be sure to mention who started it.
"I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings."
"A pedestrian hit me and went underneath my car."
"The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week."
4. Personal injuries
In the unlikely event that you are to blame for a car crash, play up any injuries you received as sympathy for your suffering will blind the insurer to your guilt. It helps if the wounds relate to the accident, but mention them anyway if not - it all counts in your favor.
"I can give no details of the accident as I was somewhat concussed at the time."
"I was knocked out as a result of the collision and was taken to hospital where I sustained serious injuries."
3. Stating the obvious
Some people have the 'gift of the gab', a talent for getting their own way by saying just the right things. Use the right turn of phrase on a claim form, and even an accident which was clearly your fault can be turned into a compensation goldmine.
"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."
"The accident was due to the road bending."
2. Wild claims
The wilder the better! Keep it possible, but throw probable to the lions, camels or elephants.
"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."
"One wheel went into the ditch. My foot jumped from the accelerator pedal, leapt across the lane to the other side and jammed in the trunk of a tree."
"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel."
1. Nonsense
Jackpot! Ideal for those occasions when you know a successful claim is such a formality it's not even worth writing coherently on the form. Insurers recognise this technique and respect it.
"I had one eye on a parked car, another on approaching lorries, and another on the woman behind."
"I left my Austin Seven outside, and when I came out later, to my amazement there was an Austin Twelve."
"The occupants were stalking deer on the hillside."
"The water from my radiator accidentally froze at twelve midnight."
"I consider neither vehicle to blame, but if either was to blame it was the other one."
Online car insurance from Hoot
If a Hoot customer turns in a car insurance claim form like one of the above, we aren't going to take them too seriously.
But one thing we do take seriously is our commitment to find you the cheapest young driver car insurance quote going - and still give you a heap of features that other online car insurance companies leave out. Take free legal expenses insurance, for example. All Hoot cheap car insurance policies come with £50,000 of legal cover to protect you in court in the event of a non-fault accident. Most motor insurance firms only offer this as an option, and an expensive one at that - it can cost an extra £50 on top of your premium. How about a free replacement car if you're involved in a non-fault crash? At Hoot, we'll deliver one straight to your home, and let you keep it until yours is fixed or replaced. With most other car insurance companies you'll be lucky to get a free envelope with your claim form. All this, and Hoot could still save you up to 30 percent on your car insurance premiums. Don't ask us how - ask us how much! 
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